"Oh Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts"

Like a movie scene (minus the emotional music), I found myself engrossed by my surroundings as my body was propelled forward on the swing...

Now if you are a professional ‘swinger’, such as myself, you know that there are many different levels of swings ranging from lame to super cool. This just happens to be an awesome one. Not only is the rope really long (which leads to extra length that you can travel both forwards and backwards) but it also sits on the top of a hill (this adds an extra special dynamic to the ride as it creates the illusion of flying). The swing was calling to me as there was a perfect mix of cool, crisp autumn air with a slightly warm breeze to rustle through the leaves. Throw in some brightly painted orange, and yellow trees and you have yourself a perfect scene. Without hesitation I threw down my NCLEX book excited for some time completely dedicated to swinging and deep thought...

I got myself comfortable in my seat... backed way up, and let myself go to be lunched forward over the hill... back and forth.... back and forth... back and forth... the only sound to be heard was the rattle of leaves as the wind passed through them... back and forth... back and forth... back and forth I swung....Now what to think about, I thought... Okay what about nursing school and the drama amongst my classmates... Blank. Okay, a different subject... hmm.... my family, and all the stuff that is going on with my Dad’s eye... Blank. How to make new friends?... Blank. Okay... I know! I will stoop low and think about what exactly I need to do to get a man... Still blank. Then it hit me. Oh. My. Word. I have an inability to spend time in “deep thought”!

Now this brings about a serious dilemma... if you know my mother, you would know this is especially a problem. My mom is the QUEEN of deep thought, and is constantly lost in it. She is always wrestling with issues- usually pertaining to theology, women’s issues in the church, how to counsel women better, etc... you name it and I can guarantee that my mother has spent time pondering it... Then there is me. Her daughter with the blank mind.

From a young age I can remember my mother trying to train me how to ponder issues... but it always lead to complete frustration on both our sides... How can I be completely unable to spend time in “deep thought?” Is this a lack of intelligence on my part? Am I just lazy? Shallow?

But alas, I don’t believe so. I am now completely convinced that I have the inability to mull over/ponder/wrestle based on my personality. I don’t really need to, and never had needed to go off by myself to gather my thoughts and come up with a conclusion. I simply make a decision and am done with it.

Haven’t I ever laid awake at night with my mind racing? Absolutely. However, it is ALWAYS about the same things. Schedules, and to-do lists. I am completely wired for organization and the immediate detail of life.

Let me give you an example. You are staying by the beach and you decide to go for a moonlight stroll by the water alone. I’m sure you’ve probably done this before... what did you think about? Did you come back more refreshed? Did you resolve any issues that were going around and around in your head just by getting time away to “sort things out?” Now let me give you my thought process, which up until recently I thought was perfectly normal. Oh wow, the moon is pretty, the stars are so bright...... lets see if I can make a perfect footprint in the sand... I wonder if there are any sharks watching me right now... I’m going to count shells, 1, 2, 3, 4........ oh look a person! I wonder who they are, what they are doing here, do you think they could be a murderer? Don’t make eye contact... oh good he is gone... actually he was kinda cute... Man it is dark!...... I wonder how long I have been out here...... Was that a shark that just jumped out of the water?..... I guess I won’t need a pedicure if I keep walking in this sand..................... okay, where are my friends, I’m bored...

Maybe this is the reason why I need so little “down time.” I don’t need anytime to sort out my emotions or thoughts... when issues come up I simply deal with them right then and there and decide where exactly to file it in my brain. Done. Easy.

Call me shallow, slow, or lazy but I am convinced that my personality is not suited for being lost in “deep thought”... Sorry Mom... you DID try...

So there I was... swinging back and forth on the perfect autumn day... trying to come up with what in the world I should occupy my mind with as I physically enjoyed the activity... So you know what I did? Prayed. Now that is something that I have the ability to do, and thoroughly enjoy...